Discovery of the Day

I've been cleaning the house this afternoon. The boys didn't nap due to a late (totally fun!) playdate, so I let them hang out and watch a movie in the later afternoon. I just walked into the living room/family room to discover this completely unplanned, un-posed moment between the two. Seriously. Ridiculously cute. I ran for my camera. I love these boys.

Summer Hours

Shawn's on summer hours at work. Meaning his company gives him every-other-Friday off during the summer. How cool is that? Seeing as how his vacation days are few and precious, this is something we really look forward to in the summer months. We decided to "play tourist" in our own city this past Friday.

When we moved from WA my friend Jen gave us a very cool book called "Fodor's Around Denver with Kids." That book has been indispensable in helping us find fun things to do with our kiddos, well, around Denver, for the past 4 years. And as Holden gets bigger, the doors to "fun" are opening even wider. We opted to hit the "Wings Over the Rockies Air and Space Museum." The museum was filled with airplanes, rocket ships, and all things flying-related. The boys were wowed by the enormity of the planes. But more than anything they wanted to play in the single pretend cockpit the museum offered. Shawn and I were both a bit surprised they didn't have more touch-and-feel exhibts at the museum. It was an expensive museum, more so than it should have been. The exhbits were amazing; had we not been with our children we probably would have enjoyed reading about every single artifact the museum offered. But space and flying appeal greatly to kids, and honestly they needed to cater to their audience a bit better. Everyone there was with a child. The boys really wanted to at least be able to look inside some of the cockpits, maybe try one out (not just a mock one). So after about an hour our kiddos pretty much lost interest and we ended up at a park for a picnic lunch. It was a fun way to spend the day with the kiddos and Daddy. Though I think we could have just visited our own local park for a picnic and daddy-playtime, and the boys would have been just as happy!

First Ride

Remember when this kid first got this bike? It was just over a year ago. He went through several phases of being too scared to even ride it... with training wheels on. But the soft whisper that when he was five he might want to try it without training wheels was often in his ear. Not pushing, just suggesting. Once he proclaimed to me that he would not ride his bike sans-training wheels until he was forty years old! Imagine that! Well just this past week he started dropping hints that maybe he'd like to give the no-training wheels thing a try sometime. By Saturday he was practically begging to have a go at it. We were so proud of him for even wanting to try it. This child is brave only to a certain point, then stability rules. But he wanted to try it and by golly we were willing to give it a go!

Shawn and he removed his training wheels. Suited him up with helmet and knee and elbow pads. Gave him a quick pep talk. And they were off. Quickly they built up to the eventual letting go of the handlebars. He was excited and brave and beyond proud of himself. So were we! Within 15 minutes or so he was riding free, with Daddy trailing very close behind. I admit to a major lump in my throat at watching this big step unveil itself. Another constant reminder of how big my baby boy is getting. And what a spectacular child he continues to prove himself to be.

Training wheels removed

Pep talk from Daddy; safety gear in check.

A quick guided ride

Preparing to let go...

Major glee on his face -- he's doing it!

No help! Look at his concentration...

You're doing it! I love Shawn's face on this one!

A little fear passes across his face...

Check him OUT!

Total glee!

Awesomeness.

Daddio

See this guy? Yeah, that one. He's the guy on the playground who all the kids clamber and climb upon. He's the one making ALL the kids squeal with laughter and giggles - not just his own. He's the one who is thick in the middle of the ruckus having a ball alongside every other kid on the playground. He was made for this earth to be a Daddy. That much I know is true. When I first met him I knew pretty much right away he would be an incredible husband and partner. I didn't know what kind of Daddy he would be, but I had my suspicions he would be that guy. The guy all the kiddos want to run around with and play with and giggle with. The guy who also, at the end of the day, tucks in both of his boys with a story or three, a kiss and a hug, and one last giggle before the lights go out.

Happy Father's Day Daddio. You are so that guy.

Early Morning Queries

Seeing as how I have a child who loves to wake up very, very early, and has since the day he was born (yeah, I'm talk'n about you Jackson), it isn't unusual for him to pad into our room at the crack of dawn with attempts at waking us up. As he has gotten older, he's actually taken to caring for himself in the early morning hours. He can go potty by himself (obviously). He can go downstairs, turn on PBS Kids or Playhouse Disney. If he has milk from the previous night in the fridge he can even get his own beverage. This surge of independence has made for much happier mornings in our house. Jackson gets to watch a little T.V., Shawn and I get to snooze a smidgen past 6am on the average morning. Holden rests peacefully until a more humane hour of 7:30-8am most mornings (thank you God for at least one child who sleeps late!!).

Occasionally he does still come into our room with a query or a request. He still occasionally begs one of us to get up and play with him (usually Daddy, ha ha!). He will ask for breakfast if he is especially hungry. He may ask when we plan to get up and join him in his early morning frivolity. But the early morning questions are often random and unexpected. Earlier this week I slowly opened my eyes to discover him hovering over my head, waiting for me to wake. "Hey buddy..." I said, sleepily. His reply: "Mommy, is a carrot a fruit or a vegetable?" "Veggie" I replied wearily, noticing the clock stated it was still quite early in the 6:00 hour. "OK" he replied and off he went. And that was it. Just curious about which food group carrots fell into. You know, the typical question that comes to one at that early hour of the morning. Bless him.

You Ought to Break Him of That Habit

As a new mom, and a neurotic one at that, I fretted a great deal about doing "the right things" as a mom. I really felt like if I followed all the rules I would be a great success at this mothering thing. I sort of live my life that way -- follow the rules, do your very best, success will come. That mantra served me well. Until I became a mother. The rules tangled around my head and made me just a touch crazy: Avoid binkies. Don't offer a bottle until you have nursed for at least 3 weeks solid. Never rock your baby to sleep. Never nurse your baby to sleep. Don't let your baby sleep in the swing! Wearing your baby (in a sling) will only make him more dependent on you. OK, that last one cracked me up because 1) Jackson LOVED the sling, and 2) um, he was a baby, he was SUPPOSED to be dependent on me. But I really did try very hard to stick to all the rules, because I wanted to be a good mother. But they really did make me crazy. I was so worried about doing the right things I didn't listen to my instincts. I mean, my instincts have served me pretty well over the years, too, ya know?! Not sure why I let them all fly out the window when honestly, that's when I needed them the most.

Eventually, I suppose, I let a lot of things slide. My boys, neither one, liked the binky, so no problem there. I offered bottles to both of my children in the first few days of life -- Jackson out of sheer frustration about the whole nursing thing, and Holden because I learned from Jackson that the bottle did not interfere with nursing -- and in the end they both were good nursers. I let Holden nap in the swing. I used my sling constantly with both children. I found nursing my babies to sleep calming to mommy and to child. I eventually, trusted those instincts. And you know, each of my boys is vastly different from the other, and yet they had the same mama following the same set of "rules." Go figure.

It has been a long, long time since I rocked my eldest "baby" to sleep. I felt, early on, that I had to avoid that "trap" and trained him to fall asleep on his own. I was super proud of my baby who could put himself to sleep (though it took a long, long time to get to that point); but in looking back I have to wonder what the rush was? Why did it matter? Was I really worried about the idea that I would be rocking a 10 year old to sleep if I didn't wean him from it early on? I suppose I was. Again, I am a rule follower. But with my second I never fought his love of rocking before bed. Sometimes he wanted it / needed it, sometimes he did not. And now, at the ripe old age of 32 months, he still asks for me to rock him before I put him into his bed at night. He snuggles down into my arms, resting his head on my shoulder, and the day melts away into the calm and quiet of that single, lovely moment between me and my babe. And I love it, treasure it, adore it. It is one of my favorite moments of the day. I'm not sure when I'll break him of that habit, but I'm not in any rush to follow that rule.

A Day at the Park

As I mentioned yesterday, we are jump-starting summer as best we can. Earlier this past week we enjoyed an impromptu playdate at the park with our playgroup buddies - Aiden, Andrew, Charleigh-Jo & mama-Gidget; Charlotte, Lily, Trip & mama-Carissa. These kids are awesome, and I love them to pieces. I am so, so, so fortunate to have found such awesome friends when I moved to Colorado. I don't know what I would do without them in my life. Love you guys!! xo

Holden, Andrew, Aiden, Jackson, Lily, Tripp

5! Charlotte, Jackson & Aiden

CUPCAKES!

Holden

Drew

Aiden

Jackson
(wow, can you see how pale this kid is??
Is it obvious he's been sick for like the past 6 weeks???)

Lily

Charlotte

Charleigh-Jo

So grown-up...

um, yeah, someone's gotta push the strollers...

Butterfly Pavilion

We are trying our best to get our summer jump started a bit. We all ended up sick at one time or another in the past two weeks - 4 trips to the Dr, 1 trip to the ER, 5 trips to the pharmacy, lots of sleepless night, and an entire week of Shawn's sick leave used up. Then of course we were, and still are, coping with the sudden loss of our dear Aunt (thank you for your kind emails and posts). But as one knows, time stops not for little boys. So I have tried this week to get them back into the swing of things. Jackson starts real school in less than 2 months, so we have a lot to fit in over the next 8 weeks (including a big trip to Texas!). This week we managed 2 playdates with our amazing playgroup friends (I'm not sure what I would do without those amazing friends - they have lifted me up a great deal in the past few weeks), a much needed trip to the library, back into gymnastics for Jack, and we even fit in a very fun impromptu trip to the Butterfly Pavilion just North of Denver. We had always wanted to visit this unique little museum but never found the time to do so. A cancelled appointment left our Wednesday morning wide open and away we went. It WAS a long journey, but it was so worth it.

The museum is small - just 3 exhibit areas, but perfect for our little guys. They had an entire room dedicated to bugs, spiders and all things creepy-crawly. So much fun for my Spiderman-obsessed little men. Another small area was dedicated to all things swimmy -- including the opportunity for the boys to pet a Horseshoe Crab and a couple of Starfish as well. And finally, the pièce de résistance - the Butterflies themselves. This area was a huge greenhouse filled with the lushest of flora and fauna, and of course thousands upon thousands of the most beautiful, gorgeous butterflies you could ever imagine. Every shape and color and size was represented. Both Holden and I even had one land on us for a quick visit. The boys were absolutely mesmerized by the fluttery little friends, and honestly, so was I. It was a perfectly lovely way for us to spend our morning.... (that is until my eldest got mad about something and wacked me on the head with a rubber snake while I was driving and while he was strapped into his carseat...the day was kind of shot after that...but that is a story for another day...).

Remembering a Beautiful Life

Friday evening our family lost a part of what made us a family. Aunt Janis lost her brief yet very courageous fight against cancer. And with her loss our hearts are broken, saddened, and profoundly changed. Janis was married to my mother in law's brother, Al, and thus she became my aunt when I married Shawn. She welcomed me immediately with warmth and love and never strayed from that kindness that so made her who she was. She gave with such unselfishness and such love, always from her heart. She made us all laugh, and she always laughed with us. She made all things beautiful - her home, her garden, her meals, her life. She loved our boys wholeheartedly -- even when Jackson went through a period of being extremely bashful around her and Uncle Al. She loved them. She loved us. And we loved her.

I have dozens of memories of Janis reaching out in kindness. Even before I really "knew" her she made me feel a part of this family. I remember her beautiful smile all throughout our wedding -- beaming as if if were her own son marrying that day. I remember her calling me a few months after our miscarriage, just to check on me -- a sentiment that still sits snugly in my heart and gives me comfort. When we moved to Colorado 4 years ago Al and Janis became an even larger part of our lives -- they lived so close, and we had such fun times with them. They were a part of our holidays and birthdays and every day celebrations. She brought picnics to me and the boys when I was muddling through those first months as a mother of two. She took us to the zoo when Shawn was away with Al on a business trip. She made peanut butter and jelly crepes for the boys, just this past Easter, knowing seafood crepes would not be to their liking. Her kindness to us reached on and on, and we will never, ever forget her or how she made this world a more beautiful place. Shawn and I will always keep her in our hearts, and do all we can to keep her in our boys' hearts as well. I pray we can accomplish that. And I pray for peace for her life partner and true love, Al, to find his peace in time as well. Her stay on this earth was far too short, and she was taken from us far too quickly and far too soon. She will be missed, beyond words. We love you Aunt Janis, and will miss you.

Holden and Aunt Janis, January 2007

Janis, Jackson and Al - Christmas 2008

the water that feels it may drown us...

I thought this was beautiful, from Lisa, my oldest friend in the world...

That water you speak of will start to get shallower, and your toes will touch the bottom in time.

A Break

I've been out. Apologies. I probably will continue to be out, or at the least sporadic. You might catch a few posts on my photography blog as I have a good schedule of shoots for this month and next. But on a personal note, Jackson has a most heinous, raging bout of croup complete with double eye infection. Two trips to the Dr in two days time. He is sad and sick and not a good patient (his meds are icky and I do not blame him one little bit). But he is a trouper, and I hope that he will be better very, very soon. It is hard to hear my little boy gasping for his every breath and not be able to do anything to fix it immediately, beyond meds and nebs and love. Little H is just tagging along for the ride - watching lots of TV, playing board games, reading books. Not much fun for either of them, truly, but better days ahead. We are also coping with a very, very sad time in Shawn's family. I don't think I can share too much, it is too emotional right now, but please if you are a praying person and you are reading this, or if you can even just spare some good thoughts or ju-ju, our family could really use them. And please remember your blessings, how big they are, how grand, and how fortunate you are to have them.

Peace.

BBQ Time!

We had the Pikes over for a BBQ Saturday night - Robb, Lisa, Owen and Lilly. I love this family to pieces. We also were soooo lucky that Heidi, John, and Lucia were visiting from Seattle and also joined our festivities. I also love this family! We all go way, way back, and it was fun to have our old gang back together again, with added children to boot. We all had a wonderful time catching up and remembering old stories that root us to each other. I hope our children will have this same memories as they grow older.

Graduation Day

click on photo to enlarge

The Graduate

This kid - five and smart as heck - graduates from Pre-K today. We could not be prouder of him, and how much he has grown and learned over the past 2 years of Pre-school. I feel like, in so many ways, it was just yesterday that I was going out trying to find the *perfect* preschool for him. And I was worried about so many little things that now, in retrospect, seem a little silly. Naturally as a parent you just want the very best for your child. And I feel like I got that for my son. Ms. Char and Mrs. Alicia have been amazing. I know he got the very best teachers he could have possibly gotten. They encouraged his love of learning, sending home extra books for him to read. They nurtured his spirited behaviour, and helped him learn to control his emotions and outbursts. They have been patient and kind and caring and firm. All things my sweet son needs.

And as for Jackson, well, he is as ready as can be for the next step. He asks daily when he can start Kindergarten. I hope he will always have this love for learning that he has right now. He wants to know the answers to everything, and "I don't really know" won't suffice. Recently he told me to look it up on the computer when "I don't know" wasn't a good enough answer for him. Pretty soon I can tell him to go look it up on the computer. Won't that be a change!?

...But for now, sweet buddy, just know how very proud of you we are. And that we simply cannot wait to see what your future in education holds. You are as bright as can be, and the world is whatever you want it to be. The future is all yours. We love you, to the moon and back!

Summer Begins

OK, so summer is not officially here for like another month, but we heard the first ring of the Ice-Cream Truck for this year, and the boys quickly raced to their banks to dig out a few coins. A few coins indeed. $1 will buy you the cheapest ice-cream bar the truck carries - definitely not the Spiderman Pop or Superbomb the boys both coveted, but who knew the recession also reached the Ice-Cream man. They settled on cotton candy swirl bars because, well, that's what they could afford, and they happily ate them under the eaves of the porch. Bring on the sunshine!

starting now

... I'm gonna knock off my moan'n and groan'n and remember my blessings. They are huge. And I needed a little kick in the pants reminder of that. I got that today. This was a truly wonderful weekend, filled with dear friends, my beautiful family, visiting family from afar, a truly inspiring photoshoot, and a reminder to give thanks and live fully every single day. That giving thanks part and living fully part, we could all do with a little of that, me thinks.

blessings,
Amy

Yes. I'm tired.

I was talking to (one of my many friends named) Lisa today. We don't see each other near often enough yet we only live half an hour or so away from each other. It's nuts. Lisa and I go way back in that we share a niece and nephew by her brother in law and my sister in law. How 'bout that math!? Also, Lisa and her hubby Robb went to dinner with Shawn and I on our very first date night - in Seattle. And now they live in Colorado, too! They are like family to us, and I'm bummed we don't make the connection to see each other more often, life just gets way, way busy. And I am seeing them in 2 weeks when our mutual friend Heidi comes to CO from WA with her cute little family. But that's another story. In fact it all is another story. The reason I'm writing this is because Lisa asked me with everything that we have going on -- moving with two small children (who were sick), coaching soccer, photo shoots, Jackson's school and gymnastics, etc, etc am I not exhausted?! The answer is: yes. I'm absolutely exhausted. Especially after last night - Jackson got sick, maybe from his 5 year shots? - and was up all night barfing. So Shawn and I were of course up all night with him. 4 changes of sheets - 'nuff said.

I feel right now like every night when the kids are finally tucked into bed (and that has been no small feat - they both are anti-bedtime right now), I feel like collapsing. Yet there still seems so much to do that collapsing gets delayed. I know Shawn feels the same way, possibly even more so considering he's putting in long days at work, too. We are just t.i.r.e.d. When I look at my eyes they are bloodshot and the crow's feet are turning into ostrich feet. My shins hurt from standing so much every day. We are running around like mad. We are still unpacking. And decorating. And working on 16 other projects for the house. Etc. Etc. Yes, Lisa, you hit it on the nose, I'm tired.

But I think this is going to be life for now. Constantly on the go. We just have to find a way, as a family, to balance that. It was one of the many reasons I wanted to be an at-home-mama in the first place. But that was also when I was naive enough to picture a less chaotic life if I was home with my children. How's that for funny.

Mama's Day '09

What a delightful Mama's Day at our house. The boys let me sleep in (sort of - 7:45 is sleeping in to me). Honey made me French toast, gooooood bacon, black berries, orange juice, and really gooooood coffee. I also had a delicious cup of tea courtesy of a cute-as-can-be card that Jackson made for me at school - it included a package of tea as a gift. So sweet. I then left my little family and went out, by myself, shopping - stopping off atThe Barn antique shop here in Castle Rock, and Kohl's for a 2 for 1 sale. I even hit my favorite store of all time - Tarjay (Target) - to walk very slowly up and down all my favorite isles (no stops in toys or diapers either!). We topped the day off with Chipotle and a family movie night. It was perfection. My kind of day. And of course, I fell asleep thinking of how very blessed I am. How just 5 years ago on Mother's Day I was nervously taking care of a newborn baby boy who did not like to sleep... and six years ago when, at the time, I was uncertain if being a mother was even a possibility. Time flies. And between the stepped on Legos and the breaking up of incessant arguing and the changing of pajamas six times in one evening and the messy faces and wiping bottoms and million loads of laundry, I know that my blessings are huge and wondrous and named Jackson James and Holden Charles.

Of course the following is one of those viral poems that has made the rounds of the world wide web for awhile now, but my step grandmother BJ sent it to me today and I read through it again with tear filled eyes. Because it is true. It is real. And every mother alive can attest to the honesty it speaks. I hope you and yours had a lovely day, and that you too realized the blessings of this life, however big or small they may be.


Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.


Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep..

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.!
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom .

Look Who's Three!

Hey, check this out, my little blog here turns three today! I started blogging on a whim three years ago -- here -- and have been at it ever since. I have kept it going for 1 reason and 1 reason only - my family. I didn't have the patience or the pocketbook or the space for scrapbooking. I have never colored inside the lines so a pre-formed baby book was NOT for me. Keeping this blog has allowed me to track our daily lives as a family. All the ups and downs and ins and outs of keeping up with two crazy youngsters, one terrific and supportive hubby, and most recently a new adventure of my own into photography...this is my blog; this is our life. I've thrown in bits of family life, both immediate and not so immediate. I've written at length about the challenges of mommyhood, and well, parenthood in general. I've waxed poetic about the beauty of my two amazing boys. And I've complained a plenty as well. But most of all I hope that I have been honest and forthcoming, and that one day the boys will be able to have a history to look back on and remember what fun we had as a family, and how much love we shared.

Thanks for coming along on the ride with us, and I hope you'll continue with us on the journey...

Work'n

The boys decided they needed to get some work done in my (*new*) office yesterday. I sat them down with their supplies and they got down to business . I am loving so much about this house, but seeing them happy here is what makes it truly a "home."

By the way, isn't the color on the walls in here just totally yummy and springy?? I am thinking of painting in some pink somehow as this is my total girly room. What do you think - stripes? circles? Fleur de lis?? The peg board in the background is black and white toile so I'm unsure if adding another color would even work. But hey, it is my room, so I guess I can do as I please! :-)