Thursday, July 13, 2006

Some days are just hard

I know no other way to phrase it than that. Some days are just hard. Some days I feel I'm barely keeping my head above water. Some days I want to bang my head against a wall. Some days I do. Some days I wish I was sitting in my old office, drinking a diet coke, and gossiping with Jen. Some days are bad days (or maybe bad weeks!). Some days I think my neighbors are going to call Child Protective Services on me! I know, plenty of moms with multiple children would shake their heads at me and say "you should try two!" or three, or four, or five, or whatever. But for now, just one is taking it's toll on me. He's two. I get it. He's rambunctious, wild, and has little self control. But that doesn't make it any easier. I want to cry from frustration from all his hitting bouts as of late. It makes me feel like I'm failing. Like I'm the one doing something wrong. Oh, I know I'm not. I know most kids go through this...but when the heck is mine gonna out grow it??? And don't get me started on how he loves to mischievously run down the side walk to escape me when we are in the front yard! I'm hot, I'm pregnant, I'm angry. I sling him over my shoulder (I bet I can bench press more than Shawn these days, ha ha), and march him in the house. That is where my paranoia of the neighbors calling CPS comes from! sigh...

So I sit her, trying to grasp when and where my week went wrong and I can't lay my finger on it. It has just been an off week for us. We've had moments of true joy - he was an absolute angel at my doctor's appointment on Tuesday. And I bragged how great he did. Then Wednesday and today he has let go a demon I didn't know existed. That's what it is, I got too sure of myself. Bragged on his good behavior. And low and behold the demon made his presence known. Whew... Here's to better days ahead. I love you kid. But some days are just hard.

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