Friday, November 17, 2006

Moments of Lucidity

There are moments in my day - as a new mother of two - where everything is very clear and lucid. I feel calm, rested, in control. My boys are both happy and content and the world seems to smile. I even allow a little smugness to sneak in thinking "hey, this isn't so bad! I can manage this just fine!!" Then Holden starts to cry. And Jackson wants my attention - now! I need to feed the baby and the toddler at the same exact time, no easy task mind you. And of course during all this my mom is still here to help, so I'm not even completely on my own yet. But I'm also a bit of an independent soul so I keep pushing mom back a little to see if I can actually do this on my own. Sometimes I can. Sometimes I pass one of the boys off to her in a moment of "weakness." Well, weakness, I'm not sure, but maybe just a little.

We did manage our first official trip to the grocery store to do our Thanksgiving shopping. We are hosting Shawn's family this year. A slightly rough start -- Jackson couldn't decide which car-cart he wanted to ride in -- but I quickly discovered the seatbelt in the blue police car-cart, and we were off. Both boys were amazing. Jackson seemed to recite The Little Einstein's the entire time, snacking on a granola bar and a sugar cookie. Holden slept, happy in his carseat for once. I kept silently thanking God for their good behavior, waiting for the ceiling to fall in on me. But it all went smoothly. We made it back home all in one piece, turkey ready to thaw and my sanity in check! Whew.

But of course Monday is my true test. Mom leaves Sunday and I'll be all alone for the first time with both boys. Hopefully I'll continue having at least moments of lucidity to keep me calm. And Thursday (Thanksgiving) is only a few days later. Daddy will be home for a few days. And for that I'll be truly thankful!

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