Thursday, September 28, 2006

my little buck'n bronco

Our nursery for baby boy #2!



Wednesday, September 27, 2006

babies and boobies

He's confused. Jackson that is. He seems to think my breasts are the baby. He alternates patting my belly and my boobs. Granted, they are enormous - both belly and boobs. Ugh. But it's getting silly to walk down the grocery store aisle with him in the front seat patting my chest and saying "baby!" Finally, exasperated, I pointed first to my stomach and said "baby!" and then pointed to my breasts and said "boobies!" I probably should have used the appropriate term - breasts. But whatever, he gets it now. And he thinks it's hilarious! He points to my stomach and says "baby!" then to my chest and says "boobies!" At that point he cracks up into a fit of laughter. At least I amuse him.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Baby in his tummy

Jackson said to me the other day "I have a baby in my tummy."
"Oh you do!?" I replied.
"Yes, baby in my tummy!" he exclaimed again.
I was intrigued. Wanting to find out a little more I asked "What kind of baby?"
His response "A blue baby!"
Wow. Someone alert Ripley's, my 2 year old son has a blue baby in his tummy...and a very active imagination. What a kick.

Side note: 35 weeks. I'm so ready for the baby in MY tummy to arrive!!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Caelitus

I have a knack for remembering dates. It comes from years of being a journal writer that dates get seared into my memory. Most of the time that is a positive - I always remember Shawn's birthday, the anniversary of our first date and our wedding, the day we found out we were pregnant with Jackson and the day he was due, and of course now the day we are due with our 2nd son - 38 more days to go! But today I remembered a date that sort of came upon me unawares. I woke up sullen and couldn't figure out why, then as I peered at the calendar I realized it. Today was my due date for the baby I miscarried over 3 years ago. Maybe it's silly to remember that when I have a precocious little two year old running around, and another one on the way. But it doesn't seem fair not to honor that baby as well - however brief that life was.

We saw a tiny heartbeat at 7 weeks. 3 weeks later my first baby left my life. But in actuality that angel will live on in my two beautiful boys. I am honored that baby chose me, however briefly, to be his carrier and mother. And I am honored that with his passing came my amazing son Jackson, and soon to be here 2nd son, Holden.

I would have a three year old... I still get very much overwhelmed by what "could have been" but I truly can't even imagine my life without my precious two year old - what a gift. Jackson - he is the greatest gift my lost baby gave to me. I can only imagine that child would have had Jackson's same sparkly blue eyes, toe-head blond hair, and witty personality. So maybe, just maybe, remembering those dates isn't so bad afterall. It reminds me how blessed we are and how far we've come.

Caelitus.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Two Trains and a Firetruck




  1. Jackson's new firetruck shoes - they light up when he walks! And yes, he has an enormous foot. Size 9.5!!!
  2. We rode the Royal Gorge train with Nana. Jackson was in heaven!
  3. At last we have put up Grandpa's Lionel train in Jackson's bedroom. It has a place of honor on a high up shelf. I can hear Jackson in the early morning hours talking about Grandpa's train. It is a very special part of Jackson's bedroom.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Sunday Dinner

When I was growing up my mom (or my Granny if we were in Floydada) made Sunday dinner every single Sunday after church, without fail. That is unless we talked her into going out to eat, which was seldom. I wish now I'd relished those home-cooked meals a little more when I was a kid. The all time favorite at our house was fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and gravy. So delish! Of course being the health-conscious generation that we are, I rarely if ever fry foods at home. Occasionally I'll pan fry fish, but that's about it. Well earlier this week I decided I was going to make my family a full-fledged Sunday dinner with all the trimmings. We are heathens and don't go to church, but the least I could do was make a homemade Sunday dinner!

Shawn took Jackson for a long bike ride while I poured over my Martha Stewart Fried Chicken 101 recipe. I had soaked the chicken in milk and red-hot overnight. It was a fairly easy recipe to follow, though I stuck to breasts only. They fried beautifully, and actually absorbed far less vegetable oil than I expected. I boiled and mashed the potatoes with a little butter and milk. Steamed some broccoli with sharp cheddar melted on top. Crescent rolls were popped in the oven (ok those weren't homemade, but everything else was). And of course, made delicious, creamy gravy from the drippings. Very Southern Living if you ask me.

In just about an hour I had completed what took my mom probably 30 minutes. But it smelled and looked just like hers, and I was beyond proud of myself. Shawn and Jackson made it home from their ride just as I was finishing the gravy. Perfect. And it was! The meal was perfect and delicious, and made me more than just a little nostalgic for home. Of course we still ate in 15 minutes or less because we have a rambunctious 2 year old. But man, that was one fine Sunday dinner! We'll have to work on the church side though.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

you



It is you, my little one, who brings me laughter every day. I am blessed by your life. I am blessed by your soul. You are my joy.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

decade



I'm feeling rather old today. Or maybe just nostalgic. I was suddenly reminded that it was 10 years ago today that Ruth and I boarded a plane for London to begin our 9 month European adventure. I can't t imagine taking that journey without Ruth by my side.

Was I scared to move to a country thousands of miles from home, with only a few hundred dollars in my pocket? No! For some crazy reason I was on a fearless mission. I wanted to see the world, experience life, find out who I was, gain some distance from that little municipality called Lubbock, Texas. In my time there I became this woman I never knew existed - strong and independent. Navigating the London streets, living in our flat share in Oval, getting a job at Fortnum & Mason, and discovering art and music and theatre and life in a way I never knew existed. All on my own. Or at least all alone with Ruth.

I have so many incredible memories from my monthshs spent abroad, running through the London streets with Ruth, discovering that ancient yet modern capital city. I met so many remarkable individuals who touched my life and made me a better person for having known them. We ventured to the theatre every single week, without fail. We discovered wonderful little pubs to hunker down in and laugh the night away - especially DeHemme's, our pub of choice. We danced until the wee hours of the morning at night clubs like Bar Sol Ona, where we pretended we knew how to Salsa. We enjoyed lazy afternoons sipping cup after cup of tea in our favorite coffee house, Sante, or taking in a movie in Leicester Square on a rainy Sunday after a visit to Camden market. And of course, visiting the typical tourist spots when time allowed. But really we lived like locals and experienced a London most visitor's do not. It felt so bohemian.

I am so in love with that amazing city that it's hard to sum up the emotions I have over my time there. But this picture sums it up for me in many ways. Ruth and me, running around on a random London street. Probably on our way to a pub, or perhaps a museum or gallery, or maybe just out for a brisk city stroll. But that red double-decker bus, the wet paved stones and gray sky, and the buoyant attitude, well it sums up our time there. We are happy and free. Just two 20-something gals out for an adventure -- and what an adventure we had!

10 years. Wow, wherever has the time gone?!

Friday, September 01, 2006

Honesty

As I've said before, some days are just hard. I'm pretty sure yesterday equates to my most difficult day yet with my two year old.

Background - Jackson has a newfound fear of bees. And for 3 nights in a row he has woken up crying that bees are in his room. I finally "expelled" the bees with some Fabreeze a few nights ago. I also explained to him that bees are our friends, they make honey and our flowers grow, and they don't hurt us if we don't hurt them. Oh, and that they are just like butterflies and ladybugs which he doesn't seem to mind. So by night 3 I think the bees are gone. However, the effects of 3 nights of lost sleep are not gone.

By yesterday he was a total wreck. Beyond sleep deprived. Cranky. Bleary eyed. An all around unpleasant child. At playgroup he threw fit after fit, complete with hitting, scratching (those are some long nails!), and even biting. Me that is, not the other kids. He was mad about so many things I can't even list them. He was just mad! And believe me, so was his mother. Finally, after just 30 minutes at the park with my friends and their kiddos, we packed it up and went home. I had to sit in the car with the music turned up just to try and regain my sense of composure before I could drive. I can't believe a 2 year old can beat me up like that! I kept thinking "where have we gone wrong with him???!!"

He was asleep within minutes of being home -- and it was 2 hours before his usually nap time! When he awoke he became my adorable and charming son. We had a great afternoon playing and reading and even watching his new movie Lisa sent him. BUT by the time Daddy got home he was overtired again, cranky, screaming, etc. I told Shawn "yep, this was my morning!" It was a nightmare. Honestly, I just didn't want to be around my son any longer. We were not enjoying his company, and he sure as heck wasn't enjoying ours. I put him to bed at 7:30. He had a couple wake-ups during the night (as did his brother, bopping around in my womb like it was a fun house), but slept until 7:30 this morning. Thankfully.

Today, my son is a dream child. Thank you God! He was a perfect angel even at the grocery store. He went down for his nap without a scene. He was sweet, charming and loving, and restored my faith that maybe we aren't doing something wrong. Maybe he just had a bad day. I certainly did. But today is a new day, and he's my sweetie pie again. I'll take it when I can get it.

Oh, and I cut his nails.