Thursday, January 24, 2008

Coming up empty bottomed

warning: this entry discusses poop in detail. read at your own risk.

A couple of years ago when Jackson was about Holden's age, I remember a harried woman stopping me at a restaurant in Dallas and asking to borrow a diaper from me (what, like I wanted her to return it??). I of course handed over my extra diaper because of course the woman was in diaper-need (ha ha, get it - dire need. diaper need. whatever). Anyway, I remember thinking: "How in the world do you leave the house without a diaper for your baby/toddler???!!" It astounded me. Obviously so much so that it sticks in my memory two years later.

You do know where this is going, don't you?

So today I took the boys out for morning errands before Jackson's preschool this afternoon. I packed a bag with all of life's necessities for two boys for a two hour journey. We hit the post office to mail a plethora of baby gifts that I'm delayed in sending. We went to Safeway to pick up snack for Jackson's class today, as well as turkey pepperoni for tonight's pizza and some more Eucerin Calming Creme (this stuff is from the gods, seriously) for my cracked knuckles. Then we went to Blimpie's for lunch. We've never been to Blimpie's before but it was by the grocery store so I saved myself one trip of car seat buckling. It was at the Blimpie's (who by the way do not have a "prize" with their kid's meals -be forewarned) that I realized I had no wipes for their messy hands, and thus no diapers. I had left my dipees & wipees bag in the boys gym backpack back at the house. Ok. That was fine because all we had left was school drop off and then back home for Holden's nap. Except, of course, Murphy's law kicked in as soon as we got to school. Holden had an enormous poop that smelled to high-heaven. Greeeaaattt! What a great time to poop!

I first looked around for anyone with a baby in the lobby - no one had a baby. I'm not sure how that is possible since practically everyone at the school seems to have a toddler and a baby but Murphy has a strange way with laws. So I then wisked him to the bathroom and prayed it was a solid poop so I could just flush it and possibly reuse the diaper until we got home. Nope. My usual solid-pooper had left me a much messier package. I took off the offending parcel and wiped his (adorably cute) hiney with wet paper towels -- and contemplated my next step. I mean, my baby was bare bottomed. What do you do about that?? Naturally it was at this point that my eldest decided he needed to use the potty. I strapped a bare bottomed baby to the changing table to help Jackson with his pants. Fortunately he's fine going potty by himself once he has his pants down. I then grabbed a wad of tissues and a few large paper towels and fashioned a diaper for Holden, tucking it all in nice and neat via his onesie.

I managed to get both boys' pants up and buttoned and everyone's hands washed, and Jackson into his classroom. Our farewell was very brief as the entire time I was chanting to myself: "please do not pee. please do not pee." That was a prayer for Holden, by the way, though by that point my own bladder felt close to bursting. Alas I made it home, got Holden into a fresh diaper (he did not pee in his make shift diaper) and into bed. I then went back to unload the car. And that is when I remembered that I always carry a spare diaper in my glove box. It's been in that glove box since Jackson was a baby and some harried woman once stopped me in a restaurant and asked to borrow a diaper from me. Silly mommy.


Amy said...

LOL!!!! Hi Amy, my name is also Amy and I'm in Seattle. I found your blog through a comment you left on someone else's blog--just one of those things. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I've really enjoyed reading your blog. This story, especially the twist at the end, had me cracking up. Great way to use the resources you had at the time! And last thing, your boys are soooooooo adorable.

Tales from the Crib said...

Hi Amy! How fun to meet someone via my blog. Mostly I think I have friends and family who catch up with us via the blog but it is especially fun to meet someone new! You know, I saw your post below about Joel McHale and I thought "hmm...I think I am supposed to know this person..." but couldn't for the life of me figure out who it was. I was too embarrassed to say "who the heck are you?!?" Ha ha! And you are from Seattle - very cool and ironic. I lived there from 1997-2005 and miss it still every single day. My hubbie and I met there and had our first child, Jackson, there. My guess is if you and I started really chatting we might just know people in common. It's a big city but somehow everyone seems to know everyone. I love that about it.

And being an Amy, well, my guess is your birthday falls somewhere in the early 70's, right?! ;-)

Thank you for the compliment on our boys. We are pretty partial to their cuteness ourselves!

Nice to meet you and thanks for reading!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Thank you for the laugh. I keep extra diapers and wipes in the car ever since a well intentioned daddy had to borrow a diaper after swim n' gym at the YMCA about 8 months ago.

Stephanie & Nicolas

Katie said...

Been there, done that too! Thank God our town is small and I could make it home in under 5 minutes! I wasn't smart enough to keep a spare in the jockey box, but I will put some in there tonight!

Miss ya and hope you have a great weekend!

Katie, Ethan & Owen

Amy said...

Thanks for your message, Amy! Sorry to leave notes through your comments, I hope you don't mind. You're right, Seattle is a small, small world--always bumping into someone who knows somebody, so I'm sure we'd know of some mutual acquaintances. And yep, I was born in 72!

I just wanted to tell you, I'd read in one of your other posts about the Crocodile--did you hear it closed? It was totally unexpected and from out of nowhere, it all happened overnight really.

I honestly don't think I'd miss Seattle, at all, if I left but your posts have given me a totally different perspective on this place : )

Tales from the Crib said...

Steph and Katie (and your precious boys) -- thanks for commenting. It's always fun to hear from "my girls." I miss you gals an awful lot. HUGS!!

Amy - Hi '72, I'm '73. Hee hee. I heard about the Croc closing via a friend of my hubby. Honestly I hadn't been in a millennium but I have many fond memories there from my early days in Seattle. My favorite show ever was Sir Mix A Lot performing with The Presidents of the United States of America. What a crazy combination!!? And yet, it totally rocked!