Want to know why I'm not sleeping? Because my baby starts Kindergarten in 3 days. I can't handle it. Seriously. I started crying at the library today explaining his full day schedule to an acquaintance and how worried I was about the whole full day school thing. Seriously!
Last night as I was lying down with J at bedtime we started talking about school. I'm sort of freaking out about him having lunch on his own. OK, I know he's not on his own. He'll be with his class. But I will be packing him a lunch and it will be 100% his responsibility to decide which food he will or will not consume and how much he will consume. And he might and probably will just throw away the carrot sticks that, at home I can negotiate with him to get him to eat. So what does he ask me? "How will I know where the trash can is at school?" Tears. Mine, not his. I need to get a grip. But it's the little things that are getting to me. Yes, he's had preschool for two years now, and did great in that classroom setting. But this is all day long school. Lunch at school. Two snacks at school. Quiet time at school. 24 other children in the classroom school. I'm so freaked out about him getting lost in the shuffle of things. Of being too scared to ask questions like where does his trash go. Or potty accidents. Don't get me started on worrying about possible potty accidents -- never mind that he's been potty trained for well over 2 years now. Accidents happen! And what if he can't find the bathroom or the teacher doesn't let him go or he doesn't make it there in time? And what if some kid bullies him? Or worse, he bullies some other kid???? What if he has one of his tantrums -- he's really good at them -- on the first day of school?! What if he gets lost? Or forgets where his cubby is? Or a million and one other worries that filter through my head. THIS IS PRECISELY WHY I'M NOT SLEEPING AT NIGHT!
This is the kid who woke me up several times a night for the first year of his life. Is it any wonder that he's got me up at night again? Only this time he's 5 and he's sleeping like a dream. Me? Not so much.