Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I don't like to complain...

...ok, that might not be true. I do have a complaining gene in me, I just don't like to complain on my blog too much. I am blessed with my children, my husband, and my life. There is no one in this world I would change places with right now. Seriously. But things are so hectic and I'm feeling harried. The children seem whinier than usual right now -- most likely because of having visitors in the house, the weather is changing...oh who am I kidding? They are whining because they are almost-three and five -- that's what they do! But it seems in excess. Holden is trying to give up napping but still needs the zzzzz's. Jackson's full day of school is delivering home to us a worn out, exhausted boy (but on the plus side he adores school!). I am working a lot right now. Finishing up editing the images from the school shoot, and excited about several up coming shoots for the fall. The leaves are changing right this very minute, and I know they will make stunning backdrops for the shoots I have planned. I'm so thrilled that my business is taking off. I love what I do, and feel fortunate that I have found my passion. And I always knew that when I found my way, it would be something creative. I thrive in that environment. But....

But it is a lot to take on. I'm running behind in most things, trying to do all things. I'm still a full time mom and full time home-maker. Both roles I take very seriously. The house isn't up to my standard of cleanliness or organization. We doubled our square footage 6 months ago and I doubled my housework. I know, I should also complain about my diamond shoes being too tight or whatever. We are fortunate in this home. It is our home. It is just a lot to take on. I feel the little things are overwhelming me right now - laundry, dishes, making beds, the floors, dust seems to breed in the night, meals need planning, preparing and cleaning up after, etc. All the things that make me a housewife are falling by the wayside in light of the new title I have taken on - Photographer. Not to mention the mom part of it all. I'm not sure I'm giving the boys all they need. I'm trying to balance it. I really am. I just don't know if I'm succeeding. And oh yeah, I haven't potty trained my almost-three-year-old yet either. In fact I've given up twice now out of sheer frustration or laziness or both.

So I'm taking a moment between laundry, Halloween crafts, Photoshopping and figuring out what's for dinner to write it all out. Hopefully it will sort my head and put me on the right path. Or at the very least, it will delay the laundry that is waiting to be folded.

3 comments:

Beki said...

Hang in there. I know, very, very well, how difficult "just" the almost-3-year-old is. So, throw a 5-year-old in the mix...
Just know that even though the boys won't tell you enough ever, I, for one, think you're an amazing mom. And can see from your photos, blog posts and FB messages that you guys are busy, thriving, healthy, happy people who are not perfect, but sure are better than good enough!!!
Hang in there. They say it gets better after 4... tell me it gets better after 4.
=) Beki

Clover said...

Girl, do NOT give yourself the gratitude guilt trip. I mean, it's good headspace to be mindful of your blessings. But that does not mean that you aren't entitled to be stressed out, worn out, fed up, and overwhelmed. That stuff is just life, and it happens to the best of us.

I laughed reading about your kids. I could have typed the same thing. We LOVE kindergarten, but it has made for some tired and sassy outbursts. And the little ones, welllll....!

My only advice is to try and budget for someone to come and clean your house. Even if it is just once a month. And don't feel guilty about it! If you were working full time outside the home you would need some staff. This is no different. And $100 a month to regain some sanity is a pretty good deal if you ask me...

Until then, buy red wine.

(((hugs)))

Tales from the Crib said...

xoxoxoxxoxooxxoxoxoxoxxooxoxo to both of you!!!!