Tuesday, February 02, 2010
I'm going through a bit of an identity crisis right now. I wake up each day knowing exactly what is going to happen - and I'm not so sure that is a good thing. I am feeling a big time itch these days. To head back into the work world. I miss it. Shhhh...did I just say that, out loud? Yes. All I ever wanted was to be home with my boys, and here I am, living the dream, and I am yearning for something more. Is it boredom? Maybe. A little. Oh I have plenty to do. Plenty. But some days I am not up for another load of laundry. Another game of Candy Land. One more time unloading the never ending dishwasher load. My brain calculating the last time my toddler went pee on the potty. The last time perhaps I went pee on the potty. Meal planning. Sewing up knees of busted out jeans. Grocery shopping. Craft time. Star Wars. Putting on new rolls of toilet paper. Paper towels. Art paper. Planning activities. Paying for activities. Budgeting for activities. Putting shoes in their proper places. Wiping out the sink. Wiping bums. Wiping out at the end of the day from exhaustion. Is this boredom? Or is it something else? I look at this list and know how fortunate I am. I know how lucky I am to see my boys, be with my boys, every day, all day long. I take them everywhere, and I treasure the small moments just as much as the big moments. 'Cause in a blink it is going to be over. They'll be bigger, on their own, and I'll long for the days of laundry, dishes, glue sticks, play dates, car pools, soccer practice, swimming lessons, healthy meals, happy meals, school activities, messy sinks and tubs, ear wax, finger nails, bottoms, and yes, boredom...or so I call it. Maybe it isn't boredom at all. Maybe this is life. Maybe it is the pressure of doing what I'm supposed to be doing versus what I want to be doing. And honestly, this, the right here and now, is what I want to be doing. I think.