I remember so many details about my little man Holden's arrival - the beginning of labor, the excitement leading up to us heading to the hospital, the nervous anticipation of what was to come...and alas, the total fear that something might happen to him as they rushed me off for an emergency c-section when he went into distress. That's all I remember, because they knocked me out cold and didn't even allow Shawn in the room for his delivery. It was a scary, scary few minutes for us, but when I finally came to there was my gorgeous, beautiful baby boy, perfect in every way (except perhaps that tiny cut on his head where they whisked him out so quickly). He came into our lives and it was as if he was always there. I can't imagine a world without him in it. And now that same baby boy is heading off to his first day of school tomorrow. Preschool. But school nonetheless.
He doesn't seem to have the same excitement about going to school that Jackson did. He seems more nervous, timid and unsure. But he hasn't said as much out loud. I'm just reading his body language. The same body language that as a wee little babe told me that he was hungry or tired or completely overstimulated. Because this little man has been with me almost every moment of every day since he arrived on this earth. So it will be a big change for both of us as he heads off to school for a few hours twice a week. I'm excited for him and the independence that is to come. I'm thrilled that some of our spotlight is going to shine on him now. Giddy to see him learning new things and meeting new friends and settling into a lifetime of education and learning. But of course I'm also a wee bit sad to see him go out on his own. Knowing someone else will be there guiding him and teaching him and holding his hand. Just a wee bit.